. "For example, we had often spoken in theory of the kids we might one day have, but the kids were mostly not ???our??? kids but ???mine??? or ???yours.??? (In the back of our minds, of course, especially as we neared our engagement, they were ???ours,??? but it went unspoken.) After we became engaged, we both started putting more concrete ideas into place, about our potential family but about our ca" . . .